Blank Space (as explained by an introvert)

This.

This.

This is what my silence looks like

A dark room full of unknown faces

All of your eyes on me

Waiting for words that just

Don’t

Come.

These are my hands

Trembling at the thought

Of wading past an ocean of thousands of you

At the end of this night

Swaying me with your tides

Invading my silence over and over again

This is also my space

Empty but for my breath

These walls are my friends

All the same colour

But each with a different heartbeat

Slowly teaching me…. How to be

The space holds in it years

Of avoiding strangers like you

It’s what our mothers used to say right?

But while I was busy warding off the evil

I’ve also kept a few new souls away

It’s a price I pay and I pay it in plenty

And from where I’m standing

Silence is a precious prize

You’ll call me the quiet one

Wonder why I look scared

When you call me beautiful

Sigh when I look away each time you try to smile at me

Wonder why I have nothing to say

When you say my words have changed your life

You’ll deem me just a mystery

Intertwined with your life for no reason

“She’s just shy”, others will say

And you will wonder why I am not that shy on this stage

You don’t see what I see

You don’t see my blank space

This is also my canvas

Where I paint stories

Through relentless strokes of my mind

Stories of unrequited love and outraged fists raised in hope

Stuffed in jars like fireflies lighting up my nights

Where my realities collide

Burning through my dark skies like fire

Until my words like stars turn into dust

You may call me the introvert

Claim I dwell in caves

While I spend my weekends in empty rooms

This mind tethering at the edge of my page

You may even give up and walk away

To never come back again

But this.

This.

This thing u call a blank space

And shrug off because it’s empty

This is my whole world, my masterpiece!

And you…..are just a background.

Dear Me

DearMeLetter1

Dear me from tomorrow,

I wish you one day look back at today

And remember only the smiles

I wish you could look at me now

Only rainbows and stars here for a while

Dear me from yesterday,

I wish you’d know

This too shall pass

And at the tiny edge of time

The emptiness barely lasts

Dear me from tomorrow,

Remember when people said

You were a disappointment

Look at what you are now!

And imagine their astonishment

Dear me from yesterday

Remember that guy who waits?

The one whose heart you break

Remember him for he is the first bad karma

Of many that you will make

Dear me from tomorrow,

The solitude you embrace today

Is the same one you feared before

You never knew did you?

The importance of an empty room?

Dear me from yesterday,

Your story won’t end here

No matter how much you will try

You almost yearn for sorrow right now

But soon you will learn to cry in joy!

Dear me,

Promises and regrets are part

Of a twisted circle of you mind

The joy that lies ahead

Is an answer to the sorrow left behind…

Contemplation

The machines they hum
in a distance in land
I look through the glass
my pills in hand

Can feel my breath slowing down
Is this what she felt
when life went numb
and God was dead?

In this second I know the truth
love is far more than
just a fleeting sigh
and a mystic rant

Morning lights and night skies
the city knows of hidden joys
of perfect smiles
and imperfect boys 🙂

It’s time for the glass again
the pills stare back
pleading to remain
in their emptied stack

Looking back at the life I lived
I wonder is this it?
Is this the end of this sorrow
by a mere slit wrist?

There has to be more to this
more mistakes to be made
there has to be a greater good
than the illusion that love evades…