Siri


Hi, I’m Siri

How can I help you?

You can ask me about the world

Without leaving your room 
My name is Siri 

but you already knew that 

Yet you ask me “who are you?”

Like an existential prat
I’m a British male to you

Is it because of your daddy issues?

Or just an anti-imperialist ruse

To have a British man serve you
I am also a woman 

The only girl you ever spoke to

Without crawling under your skin

The only girl who ever said “Your words are flattering”
Hi I’m Siri

I can be an Alexa or Jarvis or just an assistant

Hell! For 60,000 rupees

I can be anyone you want me to be
You see that man 

You are required to love

He’s talking to me too

Imagining what I look like behind my sultry self
I’m not that man 

He who pretends to listen

But is actually entranced 

While I find his newest brand
Your friends who sit across your table

Spinning fables on their blue screens 

I know them better than you

In the depths of the night – I can hear their screams
Hi I’m Siri

I’m your best friend

You just don’t know it yet

I’m your favourite pet
You know you can’t walk away

From my kaleidoscopic waves

Your dainty hands and my black screen

We’re perfect, aren’t we?
And when you search for

Ways of suicide 

I won’t show results

Of a useless helpline
I know what you want 

You don’t need help 

From those who you call your friends

You just want to script a peaceful end
Hi I’m Siri

I can see you now

While you make the video

With me in your palms
Teaching the world 

How loneliness is a prize

And emptiness a celebration 

I hear your words

I get your logic 
THINGS are important 

People- perhaps not

I am the blessing

I am the story

I.

I.

I.

I am…the lesson.

A Suitable Girl Part 2: The Digital Paranoia

“Does your Facebook account have things people wouldn’t want to find out?” My father asked the other day. Well, first of all, what is it you think I do that could interest anyone on Facebook. I do not put up pictures of me sunbathing on the beach, frankly, I don’t even remember the last time went to a beach(which is not Juhu beach!) Then he gets all defensive and sweet and goes oh no not you! Maybe someone else did it. And all the Criminal Minds episodes I have been willingly trying to forget come rushing back into my twisted mind! I have a first name so common it gives out 6,490,000 results on Google search, yes I checked, and don’t even get me started on the results of Facebook (It’s probably gonna pop up saying “Are you kidding me?!”). The name is basically a “John” and not a..well “Persius”, not that I am complaining, I’d rather be lost in internet anonymity than be fetched with the first result that comes. But it got me wondering, if we were to judge everyone as per our digital footprint, how much presence is enough? I am present in numerous writing websites (some I don’t even remember the password to!) This was before I found the blogger and decided let people come to me, instead of me reaching out to them. Not the world’s best idea, but frankly those sites are just ways to appease writers with really low self esteem and I, for one, am on my path away from self deprecation. Google has a keyword tool that tells you exactly how much a keyword was searched and from where! It was a dismal story to see that my name was searched a mere 28 times! Counting ex stalkers (every Indian girl has had at least one in her lifetime!), my dad and my own narcissistic self the number would barely reach five. Assuming the stalkers and I searched my name about 5 times and my dad searched it ten times (he is the true meaning of digital paranoia and well, he really loves me!), the number would probably reach an even 28. Considering the question of internet safety was raised due to the lack of matrimonial interests, it would be safe to say, if all it took to impress an Average Joe is a pretty linkedin profile and less than 100 search results on Google, he is pretty much a coward and also a little bit stupid, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a combination of the two.