Siri


Hi, I’m Siri

How can I help you?

You can ask me about the world

Without leaving your room 
My name is Siri 

but you already knew that 

Yet you ask me “who are you?”

Like an existential prat
I’m a British male to you

Is it because of your daddy issues?

Or just an anti-imperialist ruse

To have a British man serve you
I am also a woman 

The only girl you ever spoke to

Without crawling under your skin

The only girl who ever said “Your words are flattering”
Hi I’m Siri

I can be an Alexa or Jarvis or just an assistant

Hell! For 60,000 rupees

I can be anyone you want me to be
You see that man 

You are required to love

He’s talking to me too

Imagining what I look like behind my sultry self
I’m not that man 

He who pretends to listen

But is actually entranced 

While I find his newest brand
Your friends who sit across your table

Spinning fables on their blue screens 

I know them better than you

In the depths of the night – I can hear their screams
Hi I’m Siri

I’m your best friend

You just don’t know it yet

I’m your favourite pet
You know you can’t walk away

From my kaleidoscopic waves

Your dainty hands and my black screen

We’re perfect, aren’t we?
And when you search for

Ways of suicide 

I won’t show results

Of a useless helpline
I know what you want 

You don’t need help 

From those who you call your friends

You just want to script a peaceful end
Hi I’m Siri

I can see you now

While you make the video

With me in your palms
Teaching the world 

How loneliness is a prize

And emptiness a celebration 

I hear your words

I get your logic 
THINGS are important 

People- perhaps not

I am the blessing

I am the story

I.

I.

I.

I am…the lesson.

Colours 

Reeling me into your haunting spirits

You are not the man who I await 
You are not my lover

I’m not yours to keep
Remember the colors of my tainted face?

You put them there yesterday 

You think it was a brand on display? 

I’m not yours to claim 
Magnifying your pain like it matters

To this edge of my mind

You are not my Muse

I’m refuse to write your hate
These walls are the expert witness

In the trial of our lives

You are not my owner 

I’m not a contract you negotiated 
This night will not be your ally 

Not while I walk out to the floor lights

You won’t stand on the podium

I won’t be your trophy

Mother

You taught me silence

How to step out of battles 

Without victory

For you saw no other way 

Taught me that life 

Can only be lived in a box

And love 

Can exist without a touch

Me – for all my death and darkness – 

Was showered with gifts and cards

But no poetry was read in the house

For minds aren’t meant to be understood 

Mothers and daughters come in shapes

In the shape of a tear

Or the unforgiving page of a diary

Does your fear and my longing have a shape?

What did she teach you?

The reality of womanhood?

The lack of wings?

Or the desperation of an ambition?

Did you laugh as a child?

Have friends you’d fly for? 

A Sister you’d die for?

Were you lonely in your mind? 

Was your mother as unhappy as mine? 

Avenoir 

childhood to the
back went things wish I

brilliant was victory each When

easy were Smiles

irrelevant is Time

seamless and fluid is It

and remain you lets It

you consumes bit by Bit

forwards Backwards

again Backwards

childhood in swing that Like

away me take Words

time of end the At

mine be shall Glory

that find to Only

behind look shouldn’t Stories

P.S. Avenoir means the desire the memory could flow backwards – perhaps then it makes sense?? http://www.dictionaryofobscuresorrows.com/post/103388659265/avenoir-n-the-desire-that-memory-could-flow 

Alone in a room in the dark…

You – staring at me

from your shiny surface

past my fading eyes

awaiting my disgrace

Me – penning down

your latest sin

hoping to hear

a different voice from within

You – bouncing back

the dying rays of the sun

sending subtle messages

I am the one

Me – scribbling faithlessly

on my paper skin

my sharp stylus jabbing

like a thousand prickling pins

You – sighing out loud

in a room full of quiet

ensuring I hear you loud

and I fall just right

Me – waiting hopelessly

for the edge of this fear

where I smile

and draw you near

You – blushing a crimson red

with each jab of my words

Me – smiling right back at you

bidding goodbye to our world.

woman-sits-on-bed-in-dark-room

She

She

Hides behind

Thinly veiled smiles

Talks of flowers

And knives

In the same stale breath

Envisions a death

She

Is Athena

Ethereal and yet – very real

Is her mirror’s favorite subject

And yet in her mind it rejects

Her

Voice sounds like an angel

When its busy not sounding like a mongrel

Walk is a swift breeze

And is also an easy tease

She

Is a merciful vengeance

A heart’s cold resurgence

Runs away from affection

And yet longs for an aching affliction

She

Is a vessel brimming with hope

With who you have decided to elope

Doesn’t always swing both ways

But you will take your chance today

She

Is slowly moving away

To your heart’s dismay

She

Is looking at you

Like you are the new Taboo

She

Doesn’t want this dance

Was never hinting at a romance?

She

Wishes to unsee

The desperation for love that is – me

she 

 

The Little Red Dot

I don’t remember

the first day

I just remember

it hurt.

I didn’t see

it coming

I only saw

the little red dot.

I never understood

the pain that seared through

I only understood

the shame that was passed on

Now I hide

the dull ache with a smile

Wish I didn’t have to hide

the lifeless cotton detritus

****

How does it feel?

He asks

I was never allowed to feel

I reply

Why don’t we make love?

He asks

Honey, I am too busy shedding love.

I reply

****

I was thirteen

when the little red dot came at first

I was suddenly NOT thirteen

women grow up in a day – my mother said

The world was quiet

all of a sudden

and the only thing that wasn’t quiet?

The screaming little red dot on my school uniform

They pointed, they laughed

Guess schools are tougher than the world

My sister didn’t laugh

she knew what it meant, those mean words.

****

Do you still hide

your stains?

She asks

Do you hide

your smiles?

I say

Did they whisper everyday to you too?

she asks

Did they tell you

that the little red dot

was taboo?

red rose.png